Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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