the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
