At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
