WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
