You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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