He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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