smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
