I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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