I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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