how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
