gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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