If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
