i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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