There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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