hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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