your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
