so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
