apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
