I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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