Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
