Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want her autograph on my taint
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
