You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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