The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
