This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
