Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize