That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
