Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
