im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bring me that man meat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
