it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
