she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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