u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
