I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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