I wanna bring you to show and tell
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You've changed since you got that strap on
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
