The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
