I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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