You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
And then he peed in my hair
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