my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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