Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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