i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
