Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
