she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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