take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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