I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
