Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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