First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
