Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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