You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
