Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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