Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize