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I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
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