the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
