You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
