I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
