I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
