if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
