No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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