I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
