The maid of honor just puked.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
