Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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