why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize