I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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