Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
