Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
