K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize