I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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