My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
