he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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